by Nicolette Lachmann, M.D. and Regression Therapist
Although many women have experienced the loss of a fetus or child during their pregnancy, it is a subject not many people are comfortable talking about. Death can be horrible. When you lose a child that hasn’t been born yet something else happens. Most of the time the mother is the only witness; she carried this child inside her womb. With this article the author hopes to widen awareness amongst her fellow therapists and other (para) medical professionals of the importance of recognizing this trauma. If you don’t ask about it, chances are they won’t tell. And that’s a shame because statistics show that 25% of all women have to deal with a miscarriage and that number climbs if you take into account the miscarriages that occur before they are even aware they are pregnant. An additional one in five pregnancies end in an abortion, which carries an even bigger taboo. The present article details an approach for treating these women.
Although many women have experienced the loss of a fetus or child during their pregnancy, it is a subject not many people are comfortable talking about. There is silence. Silence between spouses, silence in therapy, silence with regard to the outside world and worst of all; silence within.
Death can be horrible. The survivors: lovers, parents, brothers, sisters, friends and family have to continue with their lives after a personal loss. When you lose someone who shared your life, the loss is obvious. Everyone around you has been a witness of this life; they know. So you can share your grief. You can grief in public and will get support and understanding.
When a women loses a child that hasn’t been born yet something else happens. Most of the time the mother is the only witness; she carried this child inside her womb. Even if other people know they tend to be uncomfortable with her loss and discussing it openly. This made me wonder what Regression therapy could mean for mothers and their unborn children. The author decided to make this the subject for her final paper before graduating Tasso training for transpersonal regression therapy. In view of all the responses the author received, not only from women, she realized how many people were affected, one way or another, by this kind of trauma.
With this article the author hopes to widen awareness amongst her fellow therapists and other (para) medical professionals of the importance of recognizing this trauma. If you don’t ask about it, chances are they won’t tell. And that’s a shame because statistics show that 25% of all women have to deal with a miscarriage and that number climbs if you take into account the miscarriages that occur before they are even aware they are pregnant. An additional one in five pregnancies end in an abortion, which carries an even bigger taboo.
The trauma of Prenatal death
The trauma consists of many different layers that can vary in individual women. There has been a Physical trauma with possibly: wounds, loss of blood, anesthesia, other medication, invasive interventions. Mental trauma can consist of: conscious or subconscious decisions or convictions about body, pregnancy or motherhood. There is a wide range of Emotional effects some of which are: shame, guilt, anger, sadness, grief, fear, remorse and responsibility. On a Spiritual level you can find missing parts of the soul, entanglement, obsessive energies.
Because most women haven’t talked about what happened, the wounds on all these levels have been left to fester, sometimes for decades. This results in a plethora of complaints that are not always easily retraceable to the original trauma, like: stress, trouble sleeping, fatigue, depression, confusion, incapable of getting on with their lives.
Additionally, in case of abortion, in retrospect 16% of the women and 12% of the men, are dissatisfied with their choice for the abortion. Even more (58% of women, 37% of men) have long-lasting physical and/or emotional complaints. These complaints can have similar effects as PTSD; flashbacks, extreme grief, anger or fear, substance abuse, suicide, relationship issues, sexual dysfunction, depression, avoiding certain social encounters.
Taking in effect the impact of prenatal death, the large number of women that experience it and their silence, it might be a good idea to ask directly about miscarriage or abortion during your intake.
Because of the above, it’s clear why regression therapy can help these women and their unborn children. Regression therapy knows its way around all these layers so I had high expectations when I started my research with 11 women. This resulted in a method that helps to clean and heal all these wounds in only two sessions.
As already mentioned, the author had to write a paper about a subject within regression therapy with the assignment that fellow therapist should benefit from it.
The author found 11 women who suffered an abortion and/or miscarriage and were willing to participate. The first step was send them all a questionnaire with 11 questions regarding the history of their pregnancies, the help they received from regular sources (doctor, social worker, psychologist), how it affected themselves and their partners, familial history and what they expected from the regression sessions themselves. The responses to the questionnaires were discussed before the first session.
The first session consisted of two regressions (method Hans ten Dam/ Tasso) one from the point of view from the mother, the other from the child’s perspective. When everything involving the trauma is clear, it is time to release the imprints found by the therapist with energy-work (again for both mother and child) and after that, frozen or lost parts can be reintegrated, after which a conversation between mother and child took place.
Two weeks after the first session, the second session took place with only the mother as focal point. This was a Deep Tissue Memory session (method Grabovoj and Petrov, Marion Boon) to find the deeper causes regarding the trauma and restore the involved organs and the original DNA.
Two weeks after the second session, the women received a second questionnaire, asking them about their impressions regarding the sessions.
The first questionnaire told me that the women were between 38 and 56 years old. These 11 women combined where pregnant 30 times. Resulting in 15 children and 17 prenatal deaths. Two women carried twins where one sibling survived and one did not (vanishing twins). There were 10 miscarriages, 2 abortions (less than 12 weeks) and 4 abortions on medical indication (16-22 weeks) and one intervention by morning after pill. The prenatal deaths all occurred between 1986 and 2013. For eight of the women, participating in this research was their first encounter with professional help to help them process the loss. One of them phrased it as follows:
That day/night I didn’t even realize what had happened, it was about survival, I wanted to go about my normal live immediately. It had happened and that was that. No one was going to notice anything.
When this woman came to me, she was 52 and this happened in 1991. It was a very traumatic experience. She didn’t know she was pregnant but had a miscarriage while eight weeks along, during a vacation in another country. She lost a lot of blood and spend the whole night in the bathroom in her hotel room while her husband was sleeping. She just wanted to go on with her life and ‘forgot’ what had happened for the longest time. Her main physical complaint was fatigue. During the session we found that apart from the loss of blood, she also lost part of her Self, both that part and part of her child were still entangled and remained in the bathroom of that hotel. After the energy-work and the soul retrieval she feels different: “I feel stronger, more secure, as if I have lost a weight and am ENORMOUS.” And her son now has a face and a voice.
Other information the questionnaire revealed was regarding the impact on both the mother and her partner and their relationship: fear about a next pregnancy, sadness, emptiness, a sense of inferiority, energy loss, a feeling of being detached from everything, tendency to flee.
Remarkably, five out of the eleven women, mentioned that they didn’t discuss the topic with their partners after a while.
This sentiment was prevalent throughout my research. There is a tendency to not share feelings and emotions with others. Not with partners, not with relatives, not with friends. A lot of this unspoken emotion turned up in their bellies and energy fields.
During the regression sessions I followed an individually tailored roadmap for both mother and child. Objectives were to at least find out:
- What is the nature of the trauma (miscarriage, abortion, medical reasons)
- What imprints have occurred (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual)
- What kind of interventions have there been? (surgery, medication, anesthetics)
- What parts of the Self have been frozen or lost?
- Where is the child now and where has it been (previous life, before incarnation)?
The women that applied for the research all had their own, personal, reasons for doing so, mostly because of emotional issues. I found that a lot more could be addressed. Not only the emotional impact played a part in their day to day lives but the physical trauma still caused energy loss (even years after the fact). What to think of; blood loss, residue of chemicals (anesthetics, medication) invasive interventions for both mother and child (that cannot be emphasized enough!).
Other topics that can come up:
- Are there karmic connections?
- Did the child make a conscious choice? (incarnation, parents, death)
- How did child experience the womb? (physically, energetically)
- Did the child encounter any foreign energy? (inside or outside of the womb)
Even though most of the women did not specifically come for the answers to some of the questions mentioned above, it did result in a lot of insight regarding the reasons for the trauma. This contributed to help them come to terms with their loss. With regards to this, the conversation the mother has with her child, at the end of the first session, is very important.
A lot of the women were surprised by the amount of unresolved emotions and physical trauma. Their expectations were met and surpassed with regards to the result of the sessions on their own behalf. What they could not have imagined, is the insight they gathered regarding the trauma their unborn child has experienced. In part they share the trauma, but the child also has their own karmic issue(s) that can be very different from that of the mother.
One woman, since the age of four, knew with a certainty that she was not mother material. She even went so far as, at 36, to contemplate sterilization. Only the refusal of her gynecologist prevented this from happening. She was livid! At the age of forty, she got pregnant because her new partner really wanted kids. So she agreed, but not wholeheartedly. After 20 weeks the pregnancy had to be interrupted because of medical reasons. During the session it became clear that her son never had had any intention of actually being born. He only stayed that long, so she could experience motherly feelings and subsequently deal with her own beliefs regarding her being a mother. The pregnancy was never viable but not due to any genetic reasons, so there was nothing preventing any further pregnancy. Her son wanted to experience the peace of being in the womb without the stress of having to incarnate and could experience a peaceful process of dying with this mother because there was no previous karmic entanglement. At the time of the session she was the mother of a one year old girl. Experiencing her son’s story, gave her peace of mind regarding it not being her fault that this had happened.
Prenatal Death and Regression Therapy
Basically there are two possibilities, either the prenatal death happened spontaneously or it was a choice made for medical or psycho-social reasons.
In terms of therapy, it doesn’t matter whether it was a miscarriage or an abortion. The same principals apply for both.
Prenatal death is a trauma. Healing that trauma, using techniques of regression therapy, can have profound and sometimes surprising results. During my research it has become clear that both mother and the unborn child are often deeply traumatized by what happened. This means that the regression therapist has not one, but two clients during the session(s). Therefore it is important to keep in mind the following objectives:
- healing wounds on all levels (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual)
- untangling mother and child energetically and spiritually
- recovering and integrating lost parts of the soul (mother and child)
- exploring karmic relations between mother and child
- receiving information on life issues of both mother and child
- mother and child can communicate with each other
Roadmap for healing Mother and Child after Prenatal Death
All my clients receive a questionnaire that they are required to fill in before the first appointment regarding health issues, medication etc.
Since my research I have included a question about miscarriage and abortion for both male and female clients, because the benefits of addressing these issues is great, but if you don’t ask about it, they won’t always tell you.
So let’s assume for a moment I have a new, female, client that has issues that could lead back to a prenatal loss. The first thing I do is to ask about what went on medically, there is a difference between a sudden, spontaneous loss or a planned medical intervention. So before the client goes into trance, ask about; blood loss, medication, anesthetics, physical wounds, in short; what went on? The specifics come later during the session in trance, but it is important to know beforehand what issues you’ll have to address.
Now the session can start:
You start with the mother.
Induction: “Go to the moment you first learn you are pregnant…” I gave this instruction because it often is a well-defined moment for the women. The story usually flows easily after this question.
Regression: First you do a regression of the pregnancy from the point of view of the mother. Take note of the following:
- Physical imprints: blood loss, medication, anesthetics, wounds in the genital area
- Mental imprints:
- Find postulates, if they are there, regarding being pregnant. What are their beliefs regarding being a mother, being pregnant, not being pregnant any longer etc. Write them down.
- Were there any decisions made or beliefs formed or confirmed. If so, write them down!
- Do you notice any confusion or absence during the story; this can be a clue for missing soul fragments, blood loss, or the presence of medication or anesthetics.
- Do they feel guilty? Do they feel like they should have done or not should have done something?
- Are they angry?
- Give extra attention to the imprints that are connected to the silence. Where in the body are they located?
- Do they feel responsible? This can indicate that part of the mother went with the child when it died.
- If you find any recursive imprints, you deal with them now. Any other imprints you write down and leave for later, when the child is also present.
Choices/decisions: When dealing with an abortion or termination of the pregnancy for medical reasons, ask about the moments of choosing and deciding. Who were there, how did it go, was there a freedom of choice, what factors (internally and externally) were of influence?
End this part of the session with the mother reliving the loss of her child.
Next part of the session: Personification of the child:
- Invite the child to come into the personification room. Should the child not come, this usually has a reason. It is possible that the child or part of the child remains in a different layer due to not having died well.
- What I have noticed is that in that case, the mother spontaneously travels towards her child, wherever they may be.
- Be aware therapist that this can also mean that there already is a soul fragment of the mother there, which she possibly lost when her child died.
- Either way, the mother knows where she is going, you simply follow her.
- When you have found the child, either in the personification room or elsewhere, check to see if mother and child can see each other. If not, find out why not. If yes, do they recognize each other?
- When they can communicate, you proceed as with a normal personification.
Take note of the following:
- You are now working with the child. They are every bit as important as the mother is. They can’t leave before everything is clear and completely restored. This in contrast to ‘regular’ guests in personification rooms that are only there in as far as they pertain to the wellbeing of the client.
- This also means that, if necessary, you regress the child until their story is also clear.
- Ask the child if they have anything to say.
- You can specifically ask them:
- Whether they were only meant to be with their mother for a short period
- Did they have a specific task
- Did they know their mother or father in a previous incarnation
- Check to see if they died well before this incarnation by asking where they were before. Let it become clear. Should there be a problematic death then do a regression and restore the energy where necessary.
- Some children travel through a family line; they have incarnated with women of that same family before. So ask them about where they were before this incarnation. Where were they? Are they familiar with the family? If yes, then ask about the importance for the here and now of both mother and child. It’s possible that there are karmic relations at work here.
- Did the child purposely choose his father or mother, if yes, find out why/how by going to that specific moment of choice.
- What did the child bring with them for this incarnation? Take note of any attached foreign energy. Follow the child on their journey to incarnate with this mother. Ask: ‘does anything unusual happen before you reach your mother’s body?’
- How did they experience the womb? Both physically (what did he experience in the ovaries, uterus or birth canal?) and energetically (were they in any way influenced by their mothers emotions or thoughts?).
- Did they return to or near their mother afterwards?
- Do they have a message for their parents?
- Do they want to share or say anything?
- Any other questions that might have come up during the regression of the mother.
Proceed to the moment of death of this life:
- Go through the dying process in slow motion. Follow the energy of the child’s soul; does it stay in the body, does it remain intact, where does it go or is it staying anywhere, in the body, with the mother, in a room. If the soul is fragmented, follow all the different parts and retrieve them. It is not always immediately clear there is a part missing, so ask about percentages and don’t stop until every part of the soul is accounted for. With every part you retrieve, you check to see if there is any part of the mother’s soul attached to it. If yes, disentangle the soul parts and integrate each to their own soul.
- What is going on with the mother? Let her become aware of what is going on with her soul’s energy. Lost parts of herself can have come back with those of her child. But, it is also possible parts of her soul are frozen in place somewhere. Take note of the words she uses, this is very important! You can notice that suddenly the session becomes duller, less vibrant and the mother might say something like; ‘it feels like I’m not entirely here’, or; ‘I keep seeing the sonogram’ when you have already moved on from that point of the narrative. It can mean that part of her, is still there, in a place where it first became apparent that her child had died. Be a detective, notice the language and recover the soul fragments. Integrate.
- Take note of any imprints you find, earlier with the mother and now with the child, the mother can help with that by looking at her child.
- Physical: I noticed that medication and anesthetics weren’t mentioned, but when I specifically asked about it, it was, in fact, still present and had a big impact. So ask about it directly and then proceed to clear it out. Also ask about any wounds or mutilation, blood loss, effects of a prolonged dying process and if you find any of this, restore the body.
- Emotional: find out where imprints overlap with those of the mother, and then proceed to clear them up with both mother and child, both the imprints with and without overlap off course!
- Mental: again check if any beliefs, or decisions the child made have overlap with the mother, find out who they belong to and clear them out. Don’t forget about checking for familial karma, especially with mental imprints.
- When all imprints have been cleared, it’s a good idea to ask again about any missing parts of the soul that are left behind. Sometimes they could not be found while there were still unresolved imprints. If you find any, restore and integrate them.
Now it is time to check if there are any energetic connections between mother and child. Use aura exploration to do that (see TenDam, 2014, pp. 54-65). If you find any; what do they want to do with them? Maybe you have to explain to them, that it is really in their best interest to continue on their respective paths without being entangled with another soul. They can release the connections themselves. Not by cutting them and creating another wound, but by, for instance, dissolving them or letting go gently.
Check to see if everything you found is restored, resolved and/or cleared out. Ask both of them if there is anything they need.
Give them another opportunity to share information. This can really result in some remarkable exchanges. About some things, the child knows more than the mother does.
Check the personification room for the presence of any other energy. If you find anything or anyone ask what the meaning of this is. Did you forget to do anything, is anything unresolved? Don’t leave until the personification room is empty of anything but mother and child.
Have the child escorted by someone they both approve of. Do not let the child go by themselves!
Ask the mother if she needs anything else. If not, conclude the session. After two weeks continue with a Deep Tissue Memory (DTM) session (method Grabovoj and Petrov, Marion Boon). This session has only the mother as focal point. We look at the specific feminine organs to find the deeper causes regarding the trauma and restore the involved organs and the original DNA. In my research there were six out of ten women who had still foreign energies in this part of her body after the first session. Energies from this life, past life or cosmic energies. The DTM session really helps to restore and prepare the mother for a pregnancy in present life or the future.
TenDam, H. (2014). Deep healing and transformation: A manual of transpersonal regression therapy. Utrecht, Netherlands: Tasso Publishing
 Ed. note. This is done through personification as developed by Hans TenDam. He defines the process as, “Therapy that evokes parts of ourselves appearing as separate individuals. Personifications are parts of ourselves that more or less lead their own lives. . . . In personification, personal parts and outside influences are visualized as separate persons, that can be addressed, interacted with, healed and either released or integrated.” (TenDam, 2014, p. 401)
 Ed. note. Deep Tissue Memory is a method of repairing body tissue developed by two Russians, Grabovoj and Petrov for which there is no reference at the present time. Marion Boon, one of the founders of the Tasso Dutch regression school, introduced this method to that school. She has promised to write an article on this method for our next Journal.